Every now and then we run into situations that are overwhelming, unexepected and shocking. Often we start thinking that some of these situations are our fault or that we are a bad person because being involved in them and we are causing damage to others, the world in general and everyone around you. This usually ends up with us hating ourselves, feeling that we just break everything around and just feeling tired and depressed.
But, in reality, this bad feelings and ideas are just our automatic thoughts. Our brains get triggered and concatenate negative thought after negative thought. These thoughts are of course not usually grounded in reality, but we are too critical of ourselves to see.
A few months ago I was going to Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT). I read that this is a good therapy to help control those automatic thoughts. It can also help in cases were you experience inability to carry out a certain activity (e.g. speak in public).
If any body else but us was having those thoughts we would probably say, you judge yourself too harsh. You had a rough day, its ok. You are not hurting the world. You are actually hurting yourself and that makes you see the world different. CBT tells us that we distort the reality according to what we are feeling – those are our automatic thoughts. But we can challenge them by thinking about the evidence in their favor and against. So, the best way is to start writing down every time we see our brain start shooting these automatic thoughts:
-You write down an action or event that triggers your automatic thoughts
-Then you write down what you feel and its intensity
-Then you write what you think about yourself
-Then you write down the evidence supporting this
-And you write the evidence that does not support this.
-Finally you evaluate how you feel again./
Example:
Writing this multiple times (every time you notice something negative) helps to change your automated thoughts. These automated thoughts can be of different kinds: cognitive distortions, catastrophic, divination, … you can read about some of those here. By writing down the evidence for/against, we usually see that they are unfounded and not grounded and that in turns help us reduce the intensity of our emotions and feelings (of course they are still there, but may be not so strong and they no longer stop us from moving forward). The more we practice writing down our thoughts when we notice this automatic thoughts, the more our brain will start rewiring itself so that when you have these thoughts it automatically redirects them to something more realistic…
Of course, when you are down, it is very hard to start doing this, so start by saying three positives things about your self that happened in that day (say right before going to sleep).
No one deserves to be in pain/punishing themselves over and over, and the more we let our brain unchecked the more it becomes a bad circle. So, just consider that this technique might be a good way out of it. I’m attaching an empty pdf in case you want to print it out and start writing. CBT_blank
Breath deep and take it easy on yourself! 🙂
Re-wire yourself 